Ever since I had the flu about a month ago I have been really struggling with hypers and keeping my BG within a healthy range. I know that I am usually positive and optimistic about diabetes management, but recently I am really feeling fed up of it. A few nights ago I woke up to check my BG and it was 16mmols. I have no idea why, because everything I had eaten before bed was similar to the food I usually eat so I knew that there would be no delayed reaction in the high. Anyway, I took my correction and it really stung which made me more upset so I took my site off and threw my pump on the floor next to the bed. I remember feeling like I didn’t even care if it went higher or not because I just didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. Lucky for me, my partner is very caring, so a few hours later I was encouraged to create a new site and reattach the pump so I would be getting my basal insulin.
I really believe in the law of attraction and how powerful our thoughts can be. What we focus on is what comes into reality. Somewhere along the way I have been focusing on how shit this disease is and it is making me feel as if I am making things worse by thinking this way. My head really hurts, it’s like I have a helmet on that is getting smaller and smaller and my feet get tingly. These side effects combined really affect my moods. I feel like I need to get out of the body that I am trapped in which means I am not really appreciating what I have. But I do appreciate it normally. I am very grateful for my body and everything I can do with it, which is why I feel bad when I feel the need to get away from it. I have heard other people say that hypers have a similar effect on them too. so i guess I’m not the only one.
I didn’t write this post to talk about how crap my life is, because I actually have a really good life and a body that is otherwise very healthy and strong. However, I did write this post as a gentle reminder that it is going to be ok. I have felt like this before and I have been able to sort it out and get back to normal so I know I will do it again. I have an appointment with the doctor to get a check-up and a full blood test to make sure everything else is in good working order. But for now, the most important thing for me is to carry on working to reach my goals and to not let myself use this as an excuse to rest.
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Rowena x