Generally, I like to think I am a confident and positive person who is always striving to progress in everything I do in life, including the process of keeping myself feeling healthy through the management of type 1 diabetes. However, sometimes I find it very difficult to stay calm about high blood sugar. This is mainly because I try so hard to keep it within a healthy level and because of how it makes me feel. I have spoken about this before in my “Irritated When Hyper” post. I was very honest when I wrote that blog which is why I think it is one of my most popular ones.
Each month of being diabetic has given me a few days of hypers. It doesn’t matter what I eat or how much I exercise, the bg sort of lingers somewhere above a level that I would like. So what do I do? Do I get mad with myself? Sometimes, yes! I’m a perfectionist and I always want to feel good so I tell myself to get over it and take some insulin. But the thing is, that is not always so effective. I find that if I have had an upward trend of shit blood sugars I actually start to feel really depressed and I doubt myself in pretty much every area of my life. I become uncertain about who I am and how I feel. I question if my emotion is real; am I really sad or is this just because of the bg? I feel that because I am miserable no one will want to be around me and that I would be better off on my own. This then leads onto a lot of other self-destructive thoughts that are of a similar pattern.
Luckily I don’t shut myself off from people. I force myself to get on with things and to carry on. And by force, I mean it takes every ounce of motivation I have to be able to carry out a simple task. Once I have done one thing, I move onto another and then I begin to feel “normal” again. The act of keeping busy is a distraction technique from the horrible thoughts. Another way that I have learned to deal with a negative train of thought is to read motivational books that focus on adjusting mind set and making sure we know we are in control of our thoughts no matter what. This helps to a certain extent and I find that I can manage my thoughts a bit better than I could, say, 6 months ago.
Can anyone relate to the above?