Am I Really Diabetic?

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Am I Really Diabetic?Lately, I’ve been getting the strange realisation that I am diabetic. I mean, obviously, I know I have been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and I manage it daily, but I think it has taken me up until now to actually realise it and process it properly. As an automatic reaction around food, I am forced to think about my insulin needs. Every so often I wonder if this is really my life. Am I really different now? Do I really have an autoimmune disease?

For the rest of my life I will be thinking about insulin, its measurements and how it will affect my blood glucose. Am I doing a good enough job for myself? Am I annoying to others when I ask them the carb content of the food they are preparing for me? Does it bother them that I have to pay so much attention to my needs even if there is something serious going on? I was wondering what it would be like to have a day off, to forget that I know what it means to “bolus”. As I write this I can see my Insulin Pump resting on the waist band of my pyjamas and it makes me ask myself; am I really wearing a device that pretty much acts as my life support? Why do I know what an Animas Vibe is?

This post might seem a bit depressing and “woe is me” but I assure you it is not. I am not complaining about having this disease, I am trying to let it sink in. Should it be this hard to sink in? When I was diagnosed it was something I grasped really quickly and I just took control of it. When my blood sugar was “hi” and the doctor told me I have diabetes she was looking for more of a reaction than the reaction she got from me. I just said “ok”. She asked me how I feel about it and I said “I just have to get on with it”. She told me that people usually burst into tears at the point of diagnosis. I told her I was too tired to react. I was really, really tired.

Did / does anybody else feel like this? Every day I look at my type 1 active instagram and I am inspired by people who manage the same disease as me. You know what I go through, maybe you can relate to my thoughts? Would it be too intrusive of me to ask you what your thoughts are on having this disease? Can I find out how well you think you manage it?

Let me know in the comments below or contact me.

Rowena x

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Rowena, have just discovered your Instagram today from another type 1 friend of mine (I don’t have many that’s for sure) and your stuff is great! I’m also a dancer/dance teacher also Pilates instructor so we have some stuff in common! I was diagnosed in 2003 age 12. Was doing lots of ballet at the time and my ballet teacher approached my mum thinking I had an eating disorder as I was so under weight (mum was like are you kidding I can’t fill her up!) anyway so we did some blood tests then straight to the hospital to learn all about the fun and games! Back then I used to draw up my own insulin with syringes and vials. Took me about another 6 years to move onto insulin pens. I tried the pump this year actually. I was so excited, I’d been asking my doctors about it for about 4 years! I used it for about 3 weeks and HATED it! Got lots of kinks in my Canula resulting in lots of super highs and didn’t like trying to do floor work, gym work and etc with sweat affecting the dressing and I needed it change it nearly every day! (I live in North Queensland, Australia which is very high in humidity and I’m just a sweaty person lol!) so I decided to go back to injections. I’m not the best with keeping my levels nice and even and stil have trouble eating well which my doctors are always concerned about my HBA but it’s so nice to hear about other people’s experiences and offering some inspiration as well. You’re in the UK? Where abouts do you live?

    • Hi Andrea. I don’t have many either :s I love that you’re a dancer and dance teacher too 🙂 what style of dance do you do? Diabetes is definately not easy and I struggle with control too at the moment. Mainly because of the pesky nighttime basal rate. Aww, you were so young, such a star for managing it through dance as well. I would loooove to visit Australia. I’m from Liverpool in the UK 🙂 x

  2. When I was first diagnosed I reacted similar to how you did. I was upset, but at the time I didn’t know what Type 1 Diabetes fully is. I was also very tired. I would have 2-3 hour naps everyday, but I didn’t really think much of it. I also drank water and ate constantly, I don’t think there was a time where I went 2 hours without eating! Anyways, my blood ended up being 42.2, my doctor told me it was the highest he had ever seen. I did have ketones but I never felt sick (as in throwing up).
    I follow your Instagram account and find it very inspiring! I’ve also read a few of your blogs, and I love them! I love to see when other people have positive attitudes towards Diabetes and how we can interact with other diabetics on Instagram. I don’t really have a positive outlook on it… Well yet. I’ve been diagnosed for 7 months now, and I still feel like breaking down sometimes. It can just be so stressful! I think I am managing it pretty good, well I try my best!

    • Hi Lexi. Finally getting back to you. I think we all feel like breaking down sometimes. I got a little bit upset about it whilst I was on holiday as I felt like the only diabetic around. It’s a big thing to take care of but we can do it. I believe that we are never given a challenge we can’t handle. If you ever want to chat just message me. I’m so pleased that my blog inspires you and I’m sure you’re doing a great job at managing your diabetes.

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